Why Resolutions Fail and How "Restorative Intentions" Actually Work

Via Ferrata in the Dolomite Mountains in Italy

Ah, January. The air buzzes with fresh starts, grand pronouncements, and the ever-popular "New Year, New Me" mantra. Gyms are packed, diets are strict, and everyone seems to be listing ambitious goals for personal overhaul.

But let's be honest: how many of those resolutions truly stick?

My birthday is February 8, and for most, the initial burst of motivation fizzles out by then, leaving behind a familiar sting of disappointment and a feeling that we've "failed" yet again.

I understand this cycle, and I believe it’s time for a different approach. Instead of focusing on what's "wrong" with you, I invite you to consider a more powerful, sustainable path: Restorative Intentions.

The Problem with the "New Year, New Me" Trap

Traditional resolutions often stem from a place of perceived inadequacy. We look at ourselves, identify flaws, and declare, "This year, I will fix X, Y, and Z!" This mindset, while seemingly motivating, is inherently shame-based.

• "I need to lose weight because I'm not good enough as I am."

• "I need to work harder because I'm falling behind."

• "I need to be more organized because my current state is an absolute shit-show."

While the desire for improvement is noble, framing it this way often leads to a few common pitfalls:

1. Unrealistic Expectations: We aim for perfection, not progress.

2. Depletion, Not Restoration: The focus is on doing more, often without considering the energy and resources already stretched thin.

3. Self-Criticism: When we inevitably stumble (because we're human), the inner critic pounces, reinforcing the idea that we're fundamentally flawed.

This isn't just about failing a resolution; it's about a consistent, low-level assault on our self-worth.

Enter "Restorative Intentions": A Path to Your Best-Self

Imagine shifting your focus from "fixing" yourself to restoring yourself. What parts of your life, your energy, your connections feel depleted? What needs to be brought back into balance so you can thrive?

Restorative Intentions are about moving from shame-based goals to identity-based goals.

• Shame-Based Goal: "I will stop procrastinating." (Focuses on a negative behavior to eliminate.)

• Identity-Based Goal: "I am someone who values efficiency and thoughtful action." (Focuses on who you want to be.)

When you identify with the person you aspire to be, your actions naturally align. Instead of forcing yourself to stop a habit, you choose behaviors that resonate with your restored self.

How to Cultivate Your Restorative Intentions

This January, let's try something different. Take a moment for genuine reflection, not self-critique.

1. Identify Areas of Depletion:

• Where do you feel drained? Is it your physical energy, mental clarity, emotional resilience, or spiritual connection?

• Are your relationships feeling strained, or do you long for deeper connection?

• Do you feel a lack of purpose or direction in certain areas of your life? Here's an example of someone reflecting on their "energy"
  

2. Name Your "Best-Self" Identity:

• If you felt fully restored in these areas, who would you be?

• "I am someone who prioritizes my well-being and has vibrant energy."

• "I am someone who fosters deep, meaningful connections."

• "I am someone who pursues my passions with clarity and purpose."

3. Set Small, Consistent Actions:

• Instead of massive, overwhelming changes, identify small, daily habits that align with your restored identity.

• If you're restoring energy, this might mean a 15-minute walk, a nourishing meal, or an earlier bedtime – not an hour at the gym every day.

• If you're restoring connection, it might be a daily check-in with a loved one or setting aside dedicated, distraction-free time.

4. Embrace Compassion Over Criticism:

• When you miss a day or fall short, acknowledge it without judgment. This isn't a failure; it's an invitation to return to your intention.

• Remind yourself of who you are becoming, not what you failed to do.

This year, step off the resolution rollercoaster and onto the path of genuine restoration. Your "Best-Self" isn't waiting for a massive overhaul; they're waiting for you to gently restore what's already within you.

Ready to explore a more sustainable approach to personal growth?

At RC Coaching & Therapy, I specialize in guiding individuals toward their "Best-Self" through personalized coaching and restorative therapeutic techniques. Contact me today to learn more about how I can support you in cultivating your own Restorative Intentions for a truly transformative year.